IS IT CHEATING?

 So, as I may have indicated in previous posts, only now have I started dipping my toes into the LGBTQ world by signing up for apps and having conversations with other men.  But before I get into more detail, let me explain some things.

I'm in a committed, loving marriage with a woman.  I love her with all my being, and am so looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her.  It just feels right.   

That being said, she's not very adventurous sexually.  And that's not a slight against her.  I believe the strongest relationships are built on things beyond just sex.  So even though it seems the spark has gone - at least for now - I'm not interested in ending the relationship just because of that.  I love her too much.

But.  I have fantasies.  Fantasies that she could never satisfy.  And they're just sexual fantasies.  Not emotional or psychological.  If it hasn't been made clear in previous posts, I'd like to rim a guy.  And, if the mood is right, maybe work my way up to bottoming.

But all of these fantasies are phyiscal.  I don't care about who's doing them to me.  I don't care about who I'm doing them to.  I'd be absolutely fine if I never saw the other guy again! 

I love women, and am very respectful of them (almost to a fault) and I would only ever make a move on a woman if I felt there was something there to continue.  I've never been into one night stands, I don't know why, but I've always felt that if you want to hook up with a woman, you've got to see yourself being with them for a while after, even if it's a short time.  I only pursue women I see a future with. 

Now, I've found the one to spend the rest of my life with, so I would never try anything sexually with another woman, even just to get my rocks off.  I feel that is the very definition of cheating because within myself, I know that I'm more than just physically attracted to the woman.  I'm probably drawn to her personality, her "spark", I'd want to spend more than just one night with her, and that I feel would be the biggest slap in the face to my wife.

But when toying with the idea of being with men, none of that caring is present.  I literally wanna get off and get out.  I'd be fulfilling something sexually that my wife could never give me, and I would have no interest whatsoever with pursuing an "emotional" relationship with a man, so is it the same level of cheating?

I feel, if the shoe was on the other foot, and she was sleeping with women (and told me about it), I'd be open to the idea.....at first.  If it was something that she wanted to try and just did it once?  I wouldn't have a problem with that.  If it's something that she wanted to do a couple of times a year because she genuinely enjoyed it and needed to feel that way again, I could probably be convinced.  I would start to get suspicious however, if she kept wanting to do it with the same woman.   Then I would ask the question "are you into her parts, or are you into HER".  

I feel I'd be less hurt if is was just her parts, but if she was into HER, that's when we'd have the problem.

Well, I can honestly say, if I ever took the plunge and did something physical with a guy, I wouldn't be into HIM.  I mean, sure I'd "care" for him and be respectful of his wishes/boundaries throughout the act, but it's not someone I would ever see myself getting into a relationship with.

On an app meant for gay men, I've been having conversations with other married men about their same sex fantasies.  Some of them have acted on them, others have not, but we've all been pleasantly aroused just by having the conversations of our "man on man fantasies", whether it's something as simple as jerking off in the same room as another dude, or going full throttle bottoming.  But even thought we're just texting through a computer screen, is it cheating?

I've always felt that "emotional" cheating is much worse than "physical" cheating.  If you're drunk at a bar and plant a kiss on someone, sure that sucks, but I could get over it.  If you're constantly talking about the same person, wanting to spend time with them, happier when they're around, then that's when I'd get offended.    So what is cheating?

I'm assuming some might say "any kind of secrecy" is cheating, but does your partner have to know EVERY. SINGLE. THING about you?  Is it healthy to keep some things to yourself?  And what if you're seeking something that your partner could not possibly give you?  I don't have a vagina, so it's not like she'd be choosing another vagina over mine.   In the same breath, she doesn't have a dick, so if I wanted to suck one, I'd need to find someone else.  And if I just wanted to do it once, just to see what it's like, is that cheating?

If you're straight, and in a relationship with a woman, and have dabbled in the LGBTQ world, I'd love to hear your experiences.  How did come to terms with it?  Did your partner know?  How did THAT conversation go?  

In my heart of hearts, I know I love and will always love my wife.  But what if I wanted to eat some man ass:   is it cheating?