The Awakening of Leo Ray

This is a fantasy post.    Something I have not done yet, but something I REALLY want to do.  This is how I see it playing out in my head: The doorbell rings.  I open it to find a massive man staring back at me.  It's rare for me to describe a man as massive, as I'm over 6 feet and am usually the tallest, or close to it, in any situation.  Not only is he taller than me, but much wider, all muscle.  He's wearing grey sweatpants and a white, long sleeve cotton shirt.  Even though it's loose, you can see the curves and definition in his arms, as well as his firm pecs underneath it.  "I'm hear for the massage" he says.  "Great", I say, as I lead him to the bedroom. "Do you need to freshen up?" I ask.  He replies "no, I just came from the gym.  Freshly showered".  "Great", I say, "let's head to the bedroom". He asks me what is going to happen, and ensure him to not worry about it.  Just relax, and let me do ...

Because I'm so new to this world, I really don't know anything about dating apps.  I don't know much about dating apps for heterosexual relationships!  I grew up in a time before dating apps (or more accurately, location based hookup apps, as I've heard them described) so I don't really know what purpose they serve.  If only looking at the straight world, are guys looking for wives on these things, or just a fun night?  I know it's not that black and white - I'm sure some are looking for long term relationships.  And I personally know some people who are now happily married who met on Tinder.  But because I don't really know the etiquette, mentality or protocol behind straight dating apps, I sure as hell don't know any of that in regards to gay apps! I've known of Grindr for years, but have never looked into it.  Again, I've only really been "brave" enough to dip my toes into this world in the last month or so, even though I've ...

 It was about a decade ago when I first heard the term "bro-job".  It was explained to me that "bro-jobs" are when two straight guy friends help each other out and give each other head.  And my first thought was - that is not a thing that happens. It reminded me of all the circle-jerk talks I heard about in high school.  Rumors were rampant that various local sports teams did circle-jerks in the locker rooms.  And even though the rumors were about tangible teams and people that I knew, I still didn't believe it was an actual thing that happened. As a straight male, I have never been in a situation where the act of a bro-job or circle jerks were ever brought up.  And here is some irony - I was a very artistic teen.  I was more involved with music and theatre than any kind of sports.  The gay labels were thrown at me for years, so you'd think - since everyone thought I was gay anyway - that gay experiences would arise.   But they never did...

 Why did I start this blog?  And why should you read it?  Great questions, and I'll do my best to answer them.   Short answer, I needed a place to put my thoughts about what I've been going through.   I identify as a straight man, and I've only ever wanted romantic, long term, sexual relationships with women.  I'm currently in a loving marriage with a woman, and I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with her.   But there's one thing about me that she doesn't know.  That no one knows.  And that is that I'm attracted to men.  Specifically, their butts.  Not to get too vulgar, but if I could spend hours with my face between two smooth, muscular, juicy man-butt cheeks, I would do it in a heart beat.   It feels weird to even type it, because it sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?  I have never had the urge to be in a romantic relationship with a man.  I don't even really like dicks that much.  Th...